Not going to Goodwood – the wasps are going instead of me (they have my car again!). Anyway, I have one horse to back and that’s Richard Hannon’s Oratory in the last.

Meanwhile, prices are out on the England v Pakistan opening test match which gets underway tomorrow and, having read Ed Hawkins' series preview which is sound as a pound, I have opted

I was all set to leave for Goodwood on time when I stumbled across a problem… my car was covered in wasps! It was a nightmare… the swarm looked like something from biblical times and they had taken my car hostage. What did they want? There was no note. They were all over the windscreen, driver’s door and handle. The dash for the back of the car was too risky – what if three climbed in the back with me? Maybe it was an omen? I was seconds away from abandoning the trip when I spotted the hose pipe – apparently they don’t like water.

Well, I felt like the riot police dispersing a troublesome crowd with a water cannon. It was all going swimmingly until I got stung… one had obviously spotted who was spraying the water and opted to return the serve. Suddenly, he whistled to his mates and I was in trouble. Having been 4-0 up and cruising, I had conceded and was now in danger of letting them back in the game. I opted to drop the hose and run, but sadly slipped and hit the floor. I grazed my hands and got my shirt muddy, but still got away from them. Eventually, I managed to clear them away and re-take control of my car… I hate wasps.

I also hate Rebel Soldier and Gerald Mosse who, along with hundreds of wasps, ruined D Day for me. Firstly, Rebel Soldier got first run on Dandino in the 2.45pm race and having been 4 lengths clear at the furlong pole held on grimly for a head victory. Then, Gerald Mosse went for home far too soon on Dalghar in the feature contest and finished third when he might have won if ridden with more constraint. It was a horrible day and all I’ve got to show for it are some cuts, stings and bruises.

Not a single bet to report as I spent the day in London and was keen to keep my powder dry for Glorious Goodwood. I had plenty of fancies including French raider Dalghar and Dandino… it was going to be D Day!

We were out to lunch, so I decided to leave the sport alone – it’s a bit too embarrassing checking my phone every 30 seconds at someone else’s house. Anyway, even though I would have sold Vettel in the German Grand Prix, I would have bought Choi in the Scandinavian Masters, so honours would have been just about even.

However, we did get back in time to watch Rapid Water (£10 buy at 11) finish 17th of 19 runners in Ascot’s finale. However, the one benefit of having your first bet in the last is that, if it loses, you cannot chase!

Saturday’s cards from Ascot and York looked competitive, but I had a few strong fancies and was in a confident mood. However, rearrange the following words to make a sentence…. earth back down to crashing!

I put Auld Burns up to you last week after my Richard Hannon stable visit and I just couldn’t see him not making the frame in Ascot’s 2.05pm race. I couldn’t really see any downside of buying £15 at 21 on the index. Well, the downside was £315 as he finished fourth on ground that was too quick for him… note him down for when the word ‘soft’ reappears in the going descriptions.

You can also apply the word ‘soft’ to John Gosden’s Mass Rally who managed to wrestle defeat from the jaws of victory in the 3.15pm race. I bought £15 at 16 on the index and from looking a certain winner a furlong from home, he somehow managed to finish out of the frame. Another £240 down the drain and all my work from earlier in the week was slowly being undone.

It didn’t stop there! Gallagher and Decent Fella both failed to make the frame in the 3.50pm contest (another £280) while Debussy repeated the trick over at York (£230). To make things even worse, the only horse I sold all day (Common Touch) managed to win. All this meant that, as the runners were making their way down to the start for the King George, I was nearly a grand down.

Thank god for Harbinger… not because I backed him, but because I bought winning distances for £50 a length at 8 lengths with 3 ½ on the board, with a couple of races to go. I thought Workforce would bolt up and I got lucky. Harbinger’s 11 length demolition coupled with Yashrid’s one length win of the finale meant a final make-up of 15 ½ lengths and a £375 payment. That was my last bet of the day – I even left Ardour (my tip last week) at Salisbury alone. It won, but was very short…

As Pakistan only posted 258 runs in reply, the Australians were forced to bat again relatively quickly and Katich was the first to fall for just 11 runs. That meant his total match contribution was just 24 runs meaning a profit of £434 for my £7 sell at 86… all I needed was a quick Ponting dismissal. However, that didn’t quite materialise and he began the third day 61 not out and looking a certainty to get a ton! Suddenly the £7 sell at 88 wasn’t looking quite so sexy! Then Aamer struck early and had Punter caught behind for 66… just five runs added to his overnight score. His final match runs make-up was 72 meaning another £112 profit.

To cap what was turning out to be an incredible day, I bought £15 of Field Day in Ascot’s feature race at 17. She won going away by three lengths and swelled the coffers by another £495. I have come back from holiday in flying form and cannot back a loser!

My recent holiday in Cornwall is sadly just a distant memory, although, I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who went to bed last night dreaming of the sun and sea… messrs Watson, Katich, Ponting, Clarke, Hussey, North, Paine, Smith, Johnson, Hilfenhaus and Bollinger could only muster a poultry 88 runs between them in the opening couple of sessions of their second test with Pakistan.

Their Headingley failure was inadvertently my success having sold £7 of both Ponting and Katich’s match runs at 88 and 86 respectively… I only did it because I thought Pakistan were so bad that Australia would just bat once. Well, Katich will bat again in his second innings with 13 runs in the bank, while Ponting only has 6! If I had been on holiday, I would never have had the bet…